Time of my life. Warning, long post.

Without a shadow of a doubt this has been the sickest weekend iv ever had. Even taking into account some monsters @ uni, for variation and fulfilment im happy as sin at the mo. And all this whilst only having £2 large to my name.

All started on Friday night with the fancy dress party in Southend. What nice ppl. About 30 of us went down, the missus went as wonderwoman and Jesus she looked fine. As Capn Jack my cronies were Superman (Robbie, also his B-day), 5 as an American footballer, Paul Brennan as an Ompa Lumper (sp?), Kris staggy as a Gladiator, Nicholls as a Pimp, Ian (nice to see you m8) as a Priest, Nick smithy as Maverick, Steve as a bouncer (unoriginal m8), Emma as Alice in wonderland, Joe as Naughty Santa, Robs sisters m8's as Pirates, a Beefeater, Little red riding hood and loads of others i'v forgotten. Seb, you woulda had a ball. So we go to Yate's at 8pm. OMG. No one wanted to be the first one in, so iv grown a pair and gone for it. The entire fking pub turned round. BUT, the southend locals were genuinely nice and i got lots of offers of Rum all night, along with shots from Oli (my appointed chaperone- respect for that m8).On Saturday, i had to let the missus drive the motor home as i was so fked. Went to the Blonde Bash after a bit of kip. Kinboshi luckily had offered me a bit of bedspace, which was a result as i was otherwise gonna kip in the car. Poker bit over early, coz, tbh, who gives a monkey. 2nd hand. Kings, table makeup is awesome, everyone iv ever tried a big bad move on is here. I raise UTG. Tikay re-raises all-in. LOL. Bloke on the button calls off his 3k stack at 25/50 blinds. LOL. I dont pass kings @ Luton. Up against AK (Tikay) and QQ. Q on the river and im done for. Chips pleeeeeeease. Reload. 8 limpers on my button at blinds of 100/200 and i have A10s. Ship. Button utters the immortal line (im really apologise if i bad beat you) Get looked up by A9 and KQ. Flop of A9 and i can get on with the important task of drinking.

I have about £40 in my BB. Luckily i pull off a few dares and spin it to £60. I then have a last longer with Turny with me backing M3boy and him (obviously) backing Rookie his son. £10. I lose coz M3 makes the kind of pass you make in a £250 event. :) its ok m8, the pass was fine.Time for the HU games, by now im getting really on it, but pulling it off well. I destroy my opponent when she calls my ludicrously large overbet with aces with KQ. Sadly my teammates performed craply. 77Dave was blatantly too busy checking out Rhowena Colclough (?) to bother folding K10 on a 10 high board. ~Ian Expressman and Justin turner performed like shite. And thats being nice. So £20 @ 14-1 down the pan.

Then i met my online nemesis (lol) in the shape of Portfolio. What a nice bloke. Really gave me a couple of good ideas on how a poker life should be lived. Met his wife PFFA who was a really nice lady. Then (ROFL) i met Paul Parker. I was introduced as "this is the guy who thinks ur a donut for passing second set", by erm, myself. Told you i was in bad shape. Spoke to the guy for about an hour, what a nice bloke. Told me that the biggest problem facing young players is the stress they are under to play higher. LOL, i wish, i cant even beat $1/$2. But seriously, it is have when you hear about the Ben Grundy's and Mafews of this world. Incidentally, there was a (blatantly) big private game going on at which there was a young guy who some asshole told me was Ben Mafews. Started chatting to the guy later when the final was being played and got on with him pretty well. Had blown all my £ by then but got a real bit of luck. Dean the cardroom manager comes over. He thinks im JP Kelly, its fucking hilarious. I tell him i would love a couple of comlimentary beers (Iv found out by now Mafews is some colluding little essex boy who goes by the name of Sunday8pm and has made a few quid, though obv not in Mafews (im made of money league). Dean starts to resist but then i mention how much rake iv done in there over the years. LOL, although i have done a lot. He comes back and im whinging about how broke i am. HE says something like "JP, uv got loads of money". Im wankered now and tell him how iv been coming here for 2 years, am FAR better looking than the guy and could only wish i had 10k in the bank, let alone 500k.

Bens mates Coca and Chiprich are in the final, hu with about 20ppl around him. Chiprich has MASSIVE stacks so i decide to kill 2 birds with one stone and destroy his stacks (which incidentally i did to everyone i knew under 25 all day long, Flushy, Rookie it was ME). I tell Chiprich 8om did it, and Ben gets the shit for it. Must have taken Ages. LOL. Im a real mess at this stage and go and have a chat with Porty on the house poker game. Steve Vladar and Bad Girl are there. Now it all gets a bit idiotic. I comment how nice it must be to have a poker playing GF and then go on to say how all cheating wives are cunts. Not the most sensitive idea given the Colclough incident (which i was way too pissed to even remember). Got some really dodgy looks from Steve. I apologise.

Dealt some SnG pissed for a bit, passing Delboy's chips to Charmaine (m3's missus) when neither of them were looking and generally was an ass. But is was all taken in good spirits. Then had Barry Neville prove to me that he really can throw a man 5 metres from when they are lying prone. LOL. Flushy was licking ass all night, must be nipping em :)Went back to the Hotel room and got bought a beer by DaMatrix, cheers bud. Then had a relatively funny incident. Me and Coca decided to get on the wine downstairs and by the time we went up he had forgotten what room his mates were in. 501 was the answer we got. So we start banging on the door and some bird called Tantrum we met earlier is definitely in there. Spitting voice image. So i keep knocking, telling her i want sex and all this bollocks just so we can nick their wine. Bird gets really irate. Its not Tantrum. Security are called and this middle aged african lady says she's gonne report us to the fuzz for sexual harassment. Shite.We go downstairs and talk shit for ages before is breakfast time. Im starving so eat a lot. Quick 2 hours kip and im home.

On Sunday the missus takes me out to London for a belated B day prezzie. Wicked day. Spent the monring in London Zoo chekcing out the gorillas etc in the sunshine, keeping an eye out for any young blokes eyeing her up. Went for a nice spot of grub and then to see Wicked at the Theatre. Im like a little kid at shows and had a really ace time of it. The set was amazing and the Wicked witch had a voice that you wouldnt believe. Great story too.And to top it off yesterday i got taken for a shopping spree before coming back and builing a vegetable patch. On the back of Thailand life really is rosy.