Im going insane. I have never ever gone this long on a such a sick losing streak. Its like someone has pressed a button on my account that says, you will be fucked by whatever method possible from now on. Im losing lots, so much now infact, that im getting worried about my ability to get out of it. Im in a 20 buyin downswing right now. With no end in sight. The key pots from tonight, Venereal, a reg tag player, flops a set on a board where im up and down str8 flushing with 2 overs and i lose. Nothing new there. I then play a hand 4 handed which kind of sums up how im running. I get min raised from the SB holding AcKc. I re-raise to 16, he calls. Flop comes 2 low clubs, connected, all low. 436 or something. He bets, i raise. Turn K. He bets 30, i make it 70. He calls. River 4. He goes all-in, i calls, his hand, A4. Standard. Same player, different table. He raises to 8 after a donk min raise. I have a stack of 170 and rr to 30 with AA from SB. Flop KJ9 and im swaying. Pot $75, my stack 140, i bet, he puts me ai, i call, he has Q10 for oh, just the nuts. Standard. Then proceed to tilt off another buyin to same player with JJ v AA in SB/BB battle. FOR FUCK SAKE. Oh, and then just as the monitor is about to get punched, QQ v AK all-in on the flop thats J high. Instant service never in doubt. Monitor in need of repair.

Sadly coming to the end of my tether with regard to poker. This losing streak has only been about 2 weeks long but has crushed me. I feel alien at the tables. Went to Luton on Sunday night and looked around and thought, hey ur all interesting people, but most of you are losers. Feeling downhearted, beaten and tearful. Im 24 and dont know if i want to spend the rest of my life worrying where the money is going to come for to pay for this or that, worrying about having a losing run or getting in debt. I feel like im losing the ability to think clearly and make the right decisions. Im pretty sure its not a healthy existence either. Its impacting on my personal life and not in a good way. I find myself more irritable and grumpy after a losing session, wheras im happier and easier going when im winning. Its pretty fuc king sad really. People think professional poker is all cristal and aruba, i must be missing something.